My Two Dents on BMW's Fuzzy Logic Model Range

BMW's latest releases are a Family Guy episode on four wheels. If anyone has seen the episode of South Park parodying Family Guy's plot developments, you'll know what I mean; it's manatees in a tank fetching random idea balls and throwing them together. The manufacturer of vehicles touted as the "Ultimate Driving Machine" has gone off the deep end. People thought Mercedes was doing the same when they made the CLS for style-conscious consumers; Mercedes had the last laugh, though, walking away having created a totally new market. Will BMW have the same success? Me thinks not.

BMW, in a poor attempt to emulate Mercedes, has strayed from the beaten path in an attempt to capitalize on original ideas. The last few attempts by the Bavarians make me wonder exactly how much money they have in order to waste so much on ugly, redundant products in these trying times.

Take, for example their sport utility (oh, I'm sorry, activity) lineup. God forbid buyers confuse these vehicles with something having utility. Other than the X5, these vehicles are highly questionable. Large and midsize SAVs; ok, I understand these markets exist. "Slightly-smaller-than-midsize" and "coupe"; you lost me.

While the X5 and X3 move up in size, apparently a "slightly smaller than midsize" SAV is needed to fill the gap left by the hardly successful X3. The upcoming X1 (basically a less manly version of the X3, if that's possible) is a "Sport Activity Vehicle in the premium compact segment". Jesus, now they're just making things up. Premium Compact Sport Activity Vehicles? Let's just call it what it is: pointless, and fugly to boot.

What about the X6? It's a Sports Activity Coupe. That doesn't even start to make sense, considering the fact that it's a four-door SUV. What do you get for your $55,900 entry price? Room for four, minimal cargo space, and a cramping roofline, not to mention one ugly mother. What's worse, Acura (in yet another attempt to reach top-tier status) has decided to copy it. I'll chalk that one up as a wasted effort, guys.

What is the X6's purpose? Well, no doubt it'll do a great job of rubbing pointless excess in everyone's face, but that's about all. I recall one commenter on the web thanking BMW for creating a new class of douche with the X6. Nail on the head, sir, nail on the head.

And BMW's cars? Well, time was BMW sedans could do no wrong. Alas, ladies and gentlemen, you must not have noticed the latest eyesore brought about by dropping the X6 a few centimeters: the 5-Series GT. The only nifty part about the whole shebang is the rear hatch; that's where it ends. The GT is apparently targeting the three people who want a sedan with just a little bit more space, but who don't want to go all out for the wagon for fear they might appear too practical.

All is not lost, though. At least most of the cars and car concepts in BMW's future look promising. The 7 has gotten some of its elegance back and the new Z4 is a looker. Then we have the latest rumor of the Z2, which makes green look damn sexy. If BMW keeps up with ideas like this, perhaps I can look past the absurdity of their utility-lacking activity vehicles.

By Phil Alex

Phil Alex was born in Rhode Island in 1985, yet for reasons unbeknownst to him moved to South Carolina. He graduated with degrees in Finance and German from Wofford College in 2007 and has had a strange obsession with cars and travel since he was a wee lad. He currently resides a stone's throw from Japan's international airport in Narita. All of this can be seen on Facebook, so check it out. He makes no apologies for his articles and welcomes all feedback, as long as it is adamantly worded.

BMW Z4M Roadster Cancelled?

If we are to believe a report from UK digital car magazine i-Motor, BMW has cancelled the development of an "M" version for the new Z4 roadster with the retractable hardtop because of the "ongoing financial crisis" and "lack of customer demand". Here's what the BMW spokesman -whose name was not disclosed- revealed to the British magazine: "Given the current economic crisis there is no business case for a full-on M version of the Z4".

If that's the case, then how can one explain the introduction of the X5M and X6M crossovers that are due to be unveiled this April?

Well, according to the unnamed spokesperson, the M-prepped variants of both the X5 and X6 were already under development and had been given the green light from the company's officials before the car market crashed down.

While we'll have to wait for some sort of official announcement from BMW to see whether or not the car has been truly canned, we must say that even though the X5 and X6M's development (may have) proceeded that of the Z4Ms, we fail to see the logic behind a decision that prefers two (totally unnecessary) M crossovers over an M roadster model, especially since the X5 and X6 are already offered with a mighty 408HP twin-turbo V8 engine.

BMW Z4

BMW cranks even more power out of the twin turbo-charged engine in its Z4.

The BMW Z4 sDrive35i is an excellent sports car, but BMW's engineers, who must experience self-critical dreams every night about how much smoother a valve could be or whether changing the timing of a spark by a millisecond might improve combustion, couldn't leave it as is, coming up with the 2011 BMW Z4 sDrive35is, a higher performance version of BMW's roadster.

Like the sDrive35i, the new roadster uses a twin turbo 3-liter straight six, but BMW fitted it with a new twin turbo unit to crank up the horsepower from 306 to 335, with torque up from 295 pound-feet to 332. This engine tweaking gives the sDrive35is acceleration to 60 mph in 4.7 seconds.

Beyond the engine work, BMW tuned the exhaust to give a more pleasing, sports car sound. Baffles and mufflers combine to give the car what BMW describes as a "deep rumble with a focus on the low frequency sound range." People will be surprised when they see a little roadster following that exhaust note as it works its way up the street.

The sDrive35is also gets BMW's seven speed Double Clutch Transmission, a manual with two computer-controlled clutches. The driver can choose an automatic mode or shift manually, but doesn't have to push a clutch pedal. The result is no power loss at the wheels during shifts.

2010 AC Schnitzer BMW Z4 E89 Official Revealed

Ready for its world premiere: the extensive product range for the BMW Z4 by AC Schnitzer. Them Aachen-based tuning specialist has further optimised the brand-new classic from BMW, which has already received extensive accolades from the trade press.

The BMW Z4 as standard is far from under-powered. But as is well known, enthusiastic drivers can never have enough power. Sufficient reason then for AC Schnitzer to upgrade the Z4 3.5I Turbo to 286 km/h. With a power of 360 HP and a weight of 1485 kg, the open-top roadster from BMW accelerates from a standing start to 100 km/h in just 4.9 seconds. Even the most demanding driver will be delighted with this performance.

The driving experience is enhanced acoustically and visually by the stainless steel sports rear silencer and the chromed Racing tailpipe trims.

Equally sporting is the AC Schnitzer suspension variant in the Z4. Thanks to a new spring kit, the transverse acceleration appears to bypass the conventional laws of nature.

This impression is certainly partly supported by the aerodynamic components made of PU-Rim, a high quality flexible plastic. The aerodynamic pack for the new BMW Z4 consists of a chrome front grille and front spoiler, where both components combine to give a more muscular look to the long bonnet lines.

New sports fenders, consisting of wheel arches with integral air outlets for improved cooling of the front brakes and chromed deflectors, optimise the side lines of the roadster.

Finally, the two-piece rear spoiler gives the rear of the BMW Z4 by AC Schnitzer an impressive look; because of the performance of the car, this is probably the aspect which will be seen most by other drivers!

In the inside, both driver and passenger enjoy an impressive interior. The aluminium cover for the i-Drive System Controller, the aluminium foot rests and pedal set, are just a few of the ergonomically perfect controls which give the vehicle elegance and enhance the sporting ambience.

Standing on AC Schnitzer Type IV in 18” or Type VI wheels in 18, 19 or 20 inch, the BMW Z4 takes to the stage for its world premiere. A striking entrance from the Aachen specialist, which will certainly not be forgotten in a hurry.